The Thought I Woke Up With #201

Puffing it up

There used to be a time when one either lied or one didn’t. It was a case of upright and honest or liar, liar pantaloons on fire. That’s it. Now, according to some political commentators one can, “shade the truth, be cagey, deceptive, and indulge in false equivalence.” And then there are puffing statements.

That’s different, puffing statements. I must be living in a bubble, dear reader, but I’d never herd of that until very recently. For those like me, and not in the cool clique, allow me to puff that up.

Imagine the prosecution guy cross-examining the witness for the defense at Jesus’ trial. You’ve heard about it I’m sure. That’s the trial where the Jews decided He was threatening the money supply and decided He had to go, right? So they hired a judge and jury and told boldfaced lies in order to kill him on the cross. With lots of suffering beforehand of course. You can’t have a righteous religious murder without lots of idiotic chanting, crowds, and suffering. Everyone knows that.

Anyway, imagine it. The prosecution guy looks sternly at the witness for Jesus. “So,” he begins, “You think you saw the accused walking on water?”

“Yes. Yes I did. He walked on the water.”

“Had you been drinking wine … before you saw him walking on water?”

“Not really.”

“Not really?”

“Oh maybe we passed the goatskin around with dinner. BUT I wasn’t drunk.”

“Oh, I do believe you are puffing that statement. I say he was standing by the lake and you in your drunken stupor saw him walking on water.”

“No. I am not puffing it, he was, walking on water I tell ya.”

In other words dear reader, puffing the statement is like gilding the lily used to be. Car salesmen and old time horse traders were given as being masters at it, rightly or wrongly. Put in plain English it means exaggeration.

Oddly enough religions have made, the making of puffing statements an art form. Our god is the only true god. They shriek. He is so true I’ll kill you to prove it. If you want to get to heaven you MUST follow my god. Join us and you’ll have camels without number, lovers without inhibitions and loins without fatigue.

And for those that don’t join up? Well, cop this; And their slain shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcasses, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood. Like Isaiah, dude, lay off the wine bro, put down the goatskin already

Religions aren’t shy when it comes to puffing stuff up. They tell you that god is a loving god! All love and peace and candy bars and … you know, cherubs. But don’t you go disobeying! Else he get cranky. And smite your ass. Cause he does stuff like that. He gets mad and loses control, and he drowns, burns, butchers, pulls wings off butterflies, that kind of thing. Why he even stood idly by while his only sun suffered on the cross. So there!

And dear reader, if you believe that, drop me a line, I’ve got this lovely little home for sale, CHEAP!

We Aussies call it the Sydney Opera House. It’s got lovely views, quaint bars, private hideaways, charming forecourts, rooms and halls for you to hold great parties and concerts as well as opera, ballet, plays, live music, symphonies, comedy, contemporary dance, musical theatre and MORE! Only small drawback is the never-ending conga line of pesky tourists, taking snaps and asking about koalas.

Now, my dearest reader. Wouldn’t it all be so much easier and less painful if we simply said—          LET’S JUST LOVE ONE-ANOTHER?

Until tomorrow,


The Thought I Woke Up With #201

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