The Thought I Woke Up With #169

Soul For Sale

You’ve heard the saying, I’m sure, Sold his soul to the devil. What does that even mean? How do they know where the marketplace is at? How do they find devils auction block and not confuse it with some shonky politician selling favours? Does devil encourage bartering?

The crossroads seems to be the place devil frequents to acquire souls. Do you know how many crossroads there are? Which one do you go to? What do you tell a pesky policeman that comes to investigate? Can you imagine the scene:

Policeman-    Why are you loitering here at midnight, sir?

Man-              I’m waiting for the devil.

Policeman-    Why?

Man-              I’m going to sell my soul.

Policeman-    Why?

Man-               Because. I want to be rich and famous and be a stud.

Policeman-    Why don’t you just get a job, take a bath and get a haircut?

It seems that people who have historically sold their souls have done so for material wealth, sex and power.

Those who have done the deed, so to speak, entered into a pact with the horny one, seem to have a common penchant for dancing in the woods, nekkid as jaybirds, doing the monkey on “the alter,” and generally being devilish. Seriously? As much as they would recoil and shriek at the very thought, these folks are in the same boat as the religious zealots; at the opposite end of the boat but the same boat. Both rely on made up idols in order to feather their nests in this world.

Back in the day, the church used to catch these nekkid frolickers and burn them at the stake. Things have changed somewhat, thankfully, these days stern looks and serious tut-tuts of disapproval are the way; you just can’t go around burning folks no more.

The whole concept is as ridiculous as god making the first couple out of dirt and calling it “making them in his own image.”

Ridiculous or not however, many paid a heavy price for their beliefs. Below is a historical account of one such person, and the upshot of it all. It’s the story of Father Urbian Grandier, born 1590, died 1634.

Father Granadier was a French Catholic priest, burned at the stake. He served as priest in the church of Sainte Croix in Loudun, in the Diocese of Poitiers.

Ignoring his vow of priestly celibacy, he decided to have sexual relationships with women. As a consequence acquiring a reputation as a bit of a stud.

In 1632, a group of nuns from the local Ursuline convent accused him of having bewitched them, sending the demon Asmodai, among others, to commit evil and impudent acts with them. Look like this bad-boy had his own holy harem going. Until they turned on him. Hell hath no fury, right?

Anyway, at his trial, the judges, after torturing him, introduced documents purportedly signed by Grandier and several demons as evidence that he had made a diabolical pact.

These docs were written backwards in Latin and even included the signature of Satan himself. The text of the pact read as follows: (the original can be seen here-

We, the influential Lucifer, the young Satan, Beelzebub, Leviathan, Elimi, and Astaroth, together with others, have today accepted the covenant pact of Urbain Grandier, who is ours.

And him do we promise the love of women, the flower of virgins, the respect of monarchs, honors, lusts and powers.

He will go whoring three days long; the carousal will be dear to him. He offers us once in the year a seal of blood, under the feet he will trample the holy things of the church and he will ask us many questions; with this pact he will live twenty years happy on the earth of men, and will later join us to sin against God.

Bound in hell, in the council of demons.
Lucifer Beelzebub Satan
Astaroth Leviathan Elimi
The seals placed the Devil, the master, and the demons, princes of the lord.
Baalberith, writer.

And if you believe all that dear reader, I have Sydney Harbour Bridge for sale. Just another ego story to divert attention form reality.

Until tomorrow,


The Thought I Woke Up With #169

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