Quite a few years ago now, I made a decision to stop wearing ties. I was just over it. Over wearing that, to my way of thinking at the time, noose around my neck.
Many would think, So what? It’s a necktie dude, not a life and death elixir. Big whoop. And on the surface that’s true. At the time however it was a big decision, particularly in view of the fact that wearing ties was the done thing in the business I was working in. But for me, it went deeper than the tie. Stopping the wearing of that long piece of cloth with a knot at the top around my neck represented a freeing from doing something purely and simply because someone said I should. That someone may as well have slipped a ring through my nose and led me around the coral. No more. The tie itself was just a symbol.
Let me say at this juncture that I’m not starting a worldwide anti tie movement. If a person likes wearing ties great! Wear two. I’m talking about myself.
You see, we humans have a nasty habit of seeing ourselves through other peoples eyes. That is, we create images we believe others want to see, or images we believe will bring us results and rewards we think we want.
Not putting a too finer point on it, we prostitute ourselves, in some way or other, just about every day of our lives. This behavior continues until one realizes the futility and the damage of such conduct and starts working on putting a stop to it.
For example, a guy wants to get promoted at work, and he can see that in order to get the desired promotion he will need to be tough, dogged and unfeeling. In reality he is kind, generous and sympathetic. So he pretends. The face he shows is in accordance with the percieved requirement, not self-honesty. He changes into the role expected, and he gets the gig. And he is miserable for the duration.
Pretending is pretending. Pretending grinds against nature, the said grinding produces misery and anxiety a pocketfull of coin, a big shiny car and people bowing down to you cannot alleviate.
A girl wants a particular guy. But he doesn’t like her being as gregarious as she is. But she wants him, so she tones herself right down, copies his aloof and detached demeanor. She puts on a mask and he likes it. Which is all well and good but in reality, how long will this relationship last? And if it does go a fair distance by some twist of faith, how happy will it be? The answers to the two questions are, Not long, and Not very.
Pretending to be something we are not is a happiness killer. But it is worse than that. Pretending precludes us from self- realisation.
The path to self-realization is the shedding of masks and pretenses. These things are lies. You’ve got as much chance of swimming across the Sydney Harbor with a blacksmiths anvil chained to your ankle as you have of getting into the self-realization space with your masks and pretenses.
Or if you prefer, it’s easier for a camel to get its two humps through an eye of a needle than for a fat, cigar chomping, tie wearing, banker to enter the kingdom of Truth and Reality.
Man cannot enter Truth and Reality space as long as he has false conceptions about himself or while roleplaying that he is something other than what he in actuality is.
The starting questions to all this is—How real and true to self is MY life?