Marriage- A binding contract to suffer or …
Seems mind wants to stick with the duplicities of ego life; to expose those things presented as sacred, hallowed and the height of existence, allegedly, which are in reality time wasting sacred cows at best and hell on earth at worst.
Yesterday it was ego versions of truth, happiness, and love. Today it is the institution of marriage.
The first question relative to marriage is why? Why do people want to marry? The instant, automatic answer is, generally, love. We’re in love, we want to spend our lives together, and we want to make it official. Till death do us part, or some other such like commitment.
We want to make it legal is another off the cuff reason given. Which is at least practical, makes dividing stuff up after the divorce simpler, if someone gets snarly.
The problem is none of the above makes sense, which is okay because none of the other generally offered reasons stand to reason either.
I mean, on what grounds does one commit to stay with a person until death? On how they feel today? On how they feel while still in the grip of- Fever hotter than a pepper sprout? As the late and great Johnny Cash sang.
Or do they commit because there’s a baby on the way? Because they want to make the parents happy, or, one of the betrothed wants to get out from under the parents control and domineering ways?
When all else fails out comes the L-word. No one argues with the L-word. That they don’t actually know what love is is a moot point. We’re in love, like, you know, okay. Nothing you can will change that! There’s no arguing with that.
So the marriage happens, vows and speeches are made; friends and family bring presents, smile, congratulate, admire the wedding dress, do the happy dance, drink, eat and have a great time.
Then the honeymoon, during which the fantasy continues; the newly united couple enjoy, as best as the budget will allow, the Hollywood version of love and happiness.
Once the week or two of honeymooning and frolicking, sipping pina coladas by the sea, dreamy dinners and never-ending lovemaking ends, it’s back home. Reality.
Reality as the ego setup has it is work, washing, ironing, shopping, vacuuming, bills, and all the other stuff we do in the name of life. Pretty soon that lovely laugh she had turns into a noise that could pierce a month old hamburger bun, preservatives and all. The cute little snort becomes like someone is scratching their fingernails on a blackboard.
His once endearing and quirky traits become major irritants. Where’s the love gone? This, till death do us part?
Love hasn’t gone anywhere. It wasn’t there in the first place. BUT …
Here’s the but. It is at this point. At the point when things are clear. When the rose coloured glasses have been shattered, that the real and genuine opportunity presents itself.
This is the opportunity to connect with, and transform into, Love.
Love isn’t experienced by talking about it and fantasising about it. Talk and fantasy are not the launching pads into Love.
Love is experienced through work. Not just any old work. Only one kind of work will do it. The work one does on one-self.
The launching pad into love is the hard ground of reality.
Self-transformation, self-development, self-understanding, these are the ways into love. Another’s body, money or company will not do it. Trying to change another person will most certainly not do it. Ever.
Another person can be a positive influence. They can be supportive and encouraging. They can even go as far as outline what needs to be done. In the end however, we all must do our own work.
Now dear reader, this, right here, is the greatest lie of all, in terms of relationships; Relationships have to be worked on.
Working on the relationship is always doomed to fail. Always. Not sometimes, not almost, always.
Absolute success in any relationship is only ever achieved by working on the self.