The Thought I Woke Up With #40


Back in the 1980’s when I was ‘chasing the dream,’ and being too ignorant to realise I was in fact stoking the nightmare, a man who was wise beyond my at the time understanding, said to me during one of our D&M’s, “Nick, you’re a good man but any time someone says something you don’t agree with you put up a wall no one can get trough.”

I didn’t respond to his statement directly, however, I recall my chest swelling with a feeling of pride. Yessir, I remember thinking, I can shut anyone out.

Ignorance is a terrible thing; stubbornness is its bastard son and far too many of us host both.

I learned a lot from this man. He wasn’t an author, a platform professional or a pulpit-basher. He was just a quietly spoken man who was good at what he did, understood the machinations of life and didn’t mind sharing with those that cared to listen. He indeed got me started on the road to self-discovery. Heinz Bansagi, I thank you.

I can tell you from personal experience that stubbornness is a difficult block to get a hold of and undo. I believe that’s because it is a self-protection mechanism, born and strengthened over time by the kicks and bruises one gets from the ego-life experience.

Take for example when one is let down by people; it happens all the time and at times it’s those closest to us doing it. It hurts. I don’t care how tough you are, that stuff hurts. So, in order to safeguard, one lays down a few bricks every time a hurt occurs.

The bricks I refer to here being of the mental blocks variety, which are unmeasurably stronger and more durable than the clay bricks used to build structures.

Every time you’re let down, lied to and in other ways hurt and disappointed by others, your wall gets a little stronger and higher and you become more and more turtle like.

Stubbornness is a self-protection mechanism, a false self-protection mechanism to be sure but a self-protection mechanism nonetheless.

Being a self-imposed mechanism means YOU came up with it, and therefore YOU can, need to, and will, undo it.

This stubbornness is just another skeleton in the closet— just another thing to be undone on the road to enlightenment. Just another thing that separates the Self from the Great Self, you could say, and one that needs to be kicked in its worthless, delusional ass.

You know what the road to enlightenment is? It isn’t a sunny walk down memory lane enjoying blue skies and balmy summer breezes.

The road to enlightenment is everyone’s private, spiritual version of an amusement park ghost train ride. You go through this tunnel where closet doors open and skeletons you thought forever locked away, or forgotten, spring up.

The reason for the reappearance of these things on the road to enlightenment is that they need to be faced and seen for what they actually are. Nothing. Before one can move closer towards Love.

Incidents, memories, situations and other life occurrences cannot be closeted or hidden behind walls. The only way to be rid of them is to re-examine them and choose again.

Let’s close this post on some good news. Like the amusement park scary tunnel rides everything on the Undo list is a trick. A scary vision designed to keep you from looking at it truly. When a Jack-in-a-Box springs up it startles you, look in the box and you see the reality of the setup.

Stubbornness is just another one of those illusions. You find that the only things protected by the walls of stubbornness  “protect” are illusion and ignorance. Do with them what was done to the walls of Jericho.

Until tomorrow,


The Thought I Woke Up With #40

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